Media

NEWSLETTERS

Mid-September 2023 Newsletter

Past Newsletters

November 2020

Please let me share with you where I am; in 2016, I was still fairly new to the field of therapy and working in a town different than where I grew up. Being a therapist during election time was not something I had experienced. I needed to be aware of the privilege I held as a licensed therapist and what I would be hearing from clients. I could show empathy, be a sounding board, share resources, and meet them where they were mentally and emotionally.

The worst thing I could have done was say, “I understand,” or play that week off like any other time.

I walked away from that 2016 election week knowing I had an obligation to be accessible to my clients. To be quiet and listen.

This week, I am a bit more seasoned and work with a demographic more similar to me and I am back in my hometown. Though my demographic in clients has changed, what I took away from 2016 still holds true. I need to be available and listen.

Thank you to all of you who continue to support Healing Towards Wellness so we can provide the support people need around times of change and struggle. I am humbled to say the least that I continue to be trusted with people's stories and experiences to hold and to help heal.

-Emily Sterk, Founder

June 2020 Newsletter

Hello,

I hope this email finds you well.

The month of May has been such an exciting time for the growth of HTW. Lyndsey Gruber, another Kansas City Business owner was brought on board to help build HTW social media presence and branding. She is a rock star and I am so thankful for her!

On June 1st, videos and other updates were launched about reopening the office on a client need basis, improvements to the website and what everyone can expect from Healing Towards Wellness moving forward.

Please check out the new, improved, and amazing website, and follow us on all our social media platforms.

First and foremost, my job is to help those who are hurting, heal, and meet the mental health needs of our community. Telehealth was a great blessing to be there for my clients. It is wonderful reopening the doors after months of telehealth and moving forward with the growth of Healing Towards Wellness!

Thank you to all of you who continue to support Healing Towards Wellness!

July 2020 Newsletter

Hello from Healing Towards Wellness!

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe holiday! I know for me, it was so wonderful being able to see my niece and nephews for the first time since JANUARY! 

June was such a wonderful month for HTW! We got out in the community: in person and virtually, and continue to build incredible and long lasting  relationships. HTW continues to share and learn about what our neighbors need around mental health and getting people the support they need, especially now when we are still in such a state of unknown. Unknown with the rest of the summer, what the school year will bring, and what is happening all over the world with Covid and the fight for race equality. 

HTW continues to follow all CDC and state of Kansas guidelines for health and safety in the office space and continue to work towards growing an online presence so everyone in Kansas City knows about the mission of Healing Towards Wellness

Thank you so much for your support and guidance! 

-Emily Sterk, LCMFT

For more information, please sign up for HTW monthly newsletter. It really is ONLY once a month!

ARTICLES

“From exhausted to energized: Overcoming and avoiding burnout”, Bold Journey

Emily Sterk, founder and LCMFT of Healing Towards Wellness, was featured in an amazing article for Bold Journey in September 2023! "From Exhausted to Energized: Overcoming and Avoiding Burnout" is an honest look at the toll starting a business can take, but changing the culture of burnout in your own space can simply start with asking "How are you?". Getting to share what makes Healing Towards Wellness so special is such a gift, so we owe a huge thank you to Bold Journey for sharing our mission. The article is a great read, and we are so lucky to have the brilliant Emily!

Read the article here: https://boldjourney.com/news/meet-emily-sterk/

AWARDS

2023 Best of overland park award

In August, Healing Towards Wellness was awarded “2023 Best of Overland Park” in the Mental Health Service category by the Overland Park Award Program! We are so honored to be chosen, and are motivated to continue our mission of wrap-around mental health support in the community. Every year, the Award Program selects companies they believe have curated a positive image of small businesses within Overland Park through exceptional marketing success. Thank you to Overland Park for believing in our purpose!

nominations: The pitch kc

The Pitch nominated us for three “Best of” awards in August 2023! Being considered for “Best Local Charity”, “Best Mental Health Provider”, and “Best Group Therapy” is such an exciting experience, no matter the results. Voting is open through September, so visit the links below to show your support and cast your vote!

Best Local Charity: https://vote.thepitchkc.com/people-and-places/best-local-charity

Best Mental Health Provider: https://vote.thepitchkc.com/health-and-fitness/best-mental-health-provider

Best Group Therapy: https://vote.thepitchkc.com/goods-and-services/best-group-therapy

NATIONAL SUICIDE HELPLINE: 988

*If you or someone you know needs help, call or text the number above. Than call me and we will get you the local support you need.

Suicide prevention is a speciality of mine so I have a lot to say on this topic. It is not okay that suicide continues to be one of the leading causes of death in the United States, in Kansas especially. It’s time we stop this mental health crisis through prevention practices and providing accessible support.

In America: Provisional numbers for 2022 are showing that suicide rose another 2.6% compared to last year. That was the year 49,449 people lost their lives to suicide. In 2021, suicide rates were up by 5%. These numbers do not illustrate the pain and loss rippling through the nation as this crisis rages on.

“Nine in ten Americans believe America is facing a mental health crisis,”

Xavier Beccera, United States Secretary of Health and Human Services

In Kansas: Kansas ranks 37th nationally in suicide rates. The highest demographic in 2021 is males, making up 84% of suicide deaths, and those who are 25-34 years old. The tragic truth is that Kansas ranks a shocking 10th in the highest suicide rates for youths from ages 15-24. It’s wrong that children have to carry that burden alone, and continue to suffer. These statistics drive us to keep reaching out and working towards a suicide-free world.

In 2020: Just this week: the week of September 6. It’s Tuesday for context...

• Someone completed suicide every 40 seconds

  • On average that’s 132 people a day. Since Sunday we are around 400 deaths  by suicide. By the end of this week, these numbers will likely be above 1000 deaths by suicide. 

• The top ages are 15-24. Our teenagers and emerging adults are killing themselves more than any other age group. Let this sink in and get ENRAGED ABOUT THIS. 

• Two nights ago (9/4/2020) a gentlemen shot himself on a livestream on TikTok where hundreds if not thousands of people, across all ages, watched him die. It was trending the next day across social media and news outlets.

• Yesterday (9/6/2020) a young lady made a TikTok in tears desperate to find a therapist or a professional to help her but the wait was 6-8 weeks. Her plea for help, “ I will not be alive by then.” Professionals…be better!

Suicide Prevention Month 2023

Healing Towards Wellness shares prevention techniques and important facts on suicide especially during September, which is National Suicide Prevention Month. Here are some of our posts from this year:

BLOG POSTS

Mindfulness practice

I hope you had a restful Thanksgiving (I clearly took a break from blogs!) and this holiday season brings you some joy as we end 2020 (phew!).

As we bring this year to a close I have a mindfulness activity for you. 

Look back on this year, take a deep breathe and ask yourself....

• Where did you endure?

• Where was joy found?

• What do you need to leave in 2020 as you move into 2021?

• Where do you need healing?
  
  

As you ask yourself and reflect: take space to observe what these questions bring up and what feelings are showing up. Describe the senses happening around you. Are you writing these answers down? Let this be a wave and give yourself credit for how this year impacted you and how you’re on the other side. Also know, support is available. 

Being Single

Did you know being single is okay? Sadly, our society is built on the idea that we must be in a romantic relationship. We must get married, we must have kids and if we don’t we are lesser than…well that is straight poppycock!

Research has proven that being single for a longer period of time before being in a long-term committed relationship is the best thing we can do to make our relationships last. Now, ya’ll who met your partners when you were two by the monkey bars like Cory and Topanga that’s great! This blog is not for you, but you could possibly learn some cool things!

If you are single, do yourself a favor. Go to therapy, work on yourself, heal, become the person you want to be on your own terms. Work on developing and being strong and confident in who you are, your values and identity so if you do meet your person you will not waiver in your new partnership. If a relationship is not in your future, or choose to be single, do this work anyway because we all deserve to love and honor ourselves.

According to this TIME article, here are nine ways being single can work in your favor and help you!

• Your mind is uncluttered

• You are more flexible

• You have time to really build your identity

• You get to set your goals for life on your own terms

• Sometimes you are happier while being single

• You learn to be financially independent

• You learn, develop and practice the selfcare that works for you

• You learn the difference between being lonely vs being at peace with yourself

• You build your confidence

From a therapeutic point of view what this article is stating is you learn that relationships aren’t about finding your, “better half.” If you choose to be in a relationship or want to be in one, it is about two whole people coming together who are in love and want to live life together. Remember! working on yourself while you are single is not about preparing you for a relationship! We should always be working on ourselves, but if a relationship is what you want and is a goal of yours then set yourself up for success.

For this national singles day; IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. It is okay to want to be single. Some people feel called to singlehood. Soulmates are not just romantic partners. IF A RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT YOU DESIRE, do the work! Be the best you before starting anything serious and intimate. Be picky and do not lower your expectations or boundaries out of fear, sadness or loneliness.

There have been posts about how suicide prevention and discussion needs to be on a socioeconomic level. Do you know why? I made a recent Facebook post stating, when someone is constantly wondering the next time they are going to eat, or how to keep their lights on, or the struggle is just so real for them all the time, their will to live goes down. When we don’t feel we have a purpose or a passion, wanting to be alive is hard. 

My city (Kansas City) has had an influx of completed suicides or high suicide ideation within the past 5 years and covid has not helped the situation, like most of the world. Why you ask? Mental health and suicide are not taken seriously. Until our teenagers started dying there was not a conversation around suicide prevention. Suicide was not talked about, period. Some organizations and foundations tried but the stigma (another form of a socioeconomic issue) was so bad, movement didn’t happen. KC is finally stepping too the plate but we still have a long way to go because the death rates are still rising.

So here is what you do:

• You have the hard conversations. If you believe a loved one may be suicidal or struggling with their mental health. Say something!

  • Suicide prevention is just that…Know the signs and talk to your loved ones even when it doesn’t seem “that bad.” Click here to know more.

• If you don’t see your local politicians or schools tackling the mental health and suicide rate crisis. Say something!

• You see someone struggling with bills, getting food on the table, or basic needs not being met. Help!

• If you see your kids put expectations on themselves that are simply too high in school or other areas of their life and their need for perfection is causing a mental health issue, Say something! Help them learn how to work hard and put effort into school and their activities but in a developmentally appropriate way. It is possible for our young striving perfectionists.

• Call someone on the phone. Yes…that thing you scroll and text on all day. You know you can use it as a telephone? Use it for its original purpose.

• Be the person to reach out

• Ask how someone is doing and actually want a real answer.

• Tell someone how you’re feeling 

• CALL A DANG THERAPIST

• If you are the person struggling, put pride aside and ask for help.

There has been a revolution around talking about mental health (millennials were the trailblazers). Putting pride aside, crushing shame and talking about why our current way of living is killing people. We are unhappy, unsatisfied and uneducated around mental health and how it is a HUMAN PROBLEM and needs to be fixed by looking at socioeconomic status, race, gender, and every aspect of life because mental health impacts every aspect of our lives. So thank you to our younger generations for doing something about it. It is a beautiful thing. Say something, do something! Be that person who says hi that literally talks someone off the ledge.

Say something. I don’t give a shit if it makes you uncomfortable. Do something.

***While writing this blog on average, 12 people have completed and died from suicide.

taking a pause…

when you’ve been working and plans are put in motion, remember to honor the process.

September is coming!

Guiding Couples

Most people unless you live under a rock have heard of John Gottman. He is one of the greats surrounding how to observe, tackle, and mend relationships. If you want to know more about him learn about his “love labs.” They are fascinating.

When I work with couples there are two important steps! First, understand every couple is unique, no treatment plan or goals should be the same among couples. Secondly, there needs to be a plan or a guide to help. There are so many frameworks therapists and mental health professionals can choose from. I choose John Gottman. 

He uses something referred to as the sound relationship house. It is a framework that encourages and prioritizes that no couple is the same. Not in their history, their foundation, their trauma, their boundaries, their “bids,” how they show love, how they fight and repair and how they simply be.

The theory may look basic but when couples do the work and do it well, each step is tough. Also, who doesn’t love a dang good metaphor! 

If you are a couple who is new, seasoned, engaged, struggling, in your sweet spot or simply needing a check up (like you would a doctor or a dentist) using Gottmans’s sound relationship house theory is a wonderful place to start.

What this theory covers:

• Knowing one another deeply and intentionally.

• Learning how to show appreciation and love (bids) towards one another that only you two understand.

• Knowing how to fight well, choose conflict and repair.

• Understanding how to turn towards one another, be in togetherness but not lose your autonomy. 

• Generational legacy change. 

If you are a couple, or even an individual wanting to do work around your role in relationships starting therapy with Healing Towards Wellness and going through the sound relationship house steps is a safe and encouraging space to start.

Siblings are a common therapy tOpic.

Want to know what comes up quite a bit in my therapy room...Sometimes even more than parents? Relationships with siblings, or the relationship with being an only child. 

So much around our growth, development, outlook on life, identity and our narratives are influenced around sibling order or being an only kid. 

Where do you land in order of your siblings? Are you an only child? Do you have larger age gaps or are you Irish twins? Were you considered siblings though you were actually cousins?  All of these questions are important to the therapeutic process.

Our siblings are our first friends, our first relationships. Our siblings can be our first physical and emotional wounds but our siblings can also be our fiercest supporters. We learn how to communicate, fight and live with our siblings before anyone else. We forget sometimes that we grow up and learn skills for the first time typically with your siblings around. So much of what happens when we are young with our siblings impacts how we are in relationship with them as adults. Family gatherings, parents wills, our roles as aunts and uncles, I could go on! *When we don’t heal, set boundaries and turn towards these precious relationships, wounds and uncomfy interactions will continue to build during moments that are so important; weddings, births, holidays, etc.

We would think sibling order would have more impact on our development than it actually does, which is fascinating! Sibling order is equivalent to where we are on the Myers-briggs, or our attachment style. It’s not as scientific as we typically believe.

We all know the stereotypes; The oldest is the most responsible, The middle is the peacemaker, and the youngest is the innovator. We’ve all heard it, But did you know, our personalities and how we live is more based on how our parents connection with our own individual temperaments? Not sibling order. Sibling order characteristics are an outcome to those parent-child relationship, not the other way around.

Maybe you are someone who needs to try a little harder, maybe you are someone who needs to build healthier boundaries, or maybe you are someone who needs to accept that your relationship with your siblings are gonna just be what it is and how to find joy in that dynamic. All of these areas can be hard. When we think about our relationships with our sibs it’s most important to work through whatever our stuff is so we can continue to have and build on what were some of our original relationships. The relationships that helped guide us and be who we are.

*HTW does not support cut off or cancel culture as a first step in relationships unless abuse is involved. We work towards healing, turning towards and repairing relationships first.

What is your Relational Pattern?

The number one thing I work on with clients are the patterns they bring to relationships with others. Our patterns reflect our trauma, our identity, our narrative, the choices we make, how we cope… I could honestly go on forever around how our patterns influence every single aspect of our lives.

If we are unaware of our patterns either within ourselves or with others, healing and growth will not happen. Period.

Here are a series of questions to ask yourself to better understand your patterns.

Questions to consider: As you answer, consider the relationships and friendships you have, as well as the family dynamics you grew up in.

• What role do you typically play in your relationships? Caregiver, needy, peacemaker, leader, codependent, people-pleaser, the funny one, the wild card…etc.

• What is your attachment/temperament style? Anxious, secure, avoidant, slow to warm up to others, or quick connection.

• Are you acting in the way you want, or what others expect?

• Where do you land on Myers-Briggs? Introverted/extroverted, sensory/intuition, thinking/feeling, judging/perceiving.

• How do you handle conflict? Consider if you are a fight, flight or freeze.

• How are you with boundaries: Are you enmeshed (You become so close you don’t know how to function without that person, entangled), disengaged, rigid, or flexible?

• Are there unhealed wounds or trauma to consider?

• When emotions are brought up, where is your comfort level within the relationship/friendship?

These are simple yet important questions to ask when it comes to understanding our patterns. Be curious and honest around the level of healthy your pattern is and if there needs to be some internal work done.

You may not know some of these answers or concepts and that is okay. This is why therapy exists…to help build understanding around how we interact with others and why. If we do not know what our patterns are within our relationships it will be hard to build and sustain healthy relationships, hold healthy boundaries, practice effective self-care and be confident in our identity. I encourage if these questions have impacted you in anyway to reach out for support.

Mental, NUTRITIONAL, and Physical health need to work together

A vision for Healing Towards Wellness is building a team of mental health professionals, dietitians and personal trainers to wrap around clients and work towards healing together. Why? Because we cannot have mental health without nutritional and physical health. Here is a Harvard *article discussing the science between these three areas and why it is so important.

We all know someone who…

• Struggles exercising or moving their body because they feel down, anxious, low self worth, etc.

• We know someone who gets fulfillment out of exercising and an active lifestyle but may fall into unhealthy habits such as disordered eating, diet culture and/or excessive exercise.

• We also know someone where their relationship with food is unhealthy. They either restrict, overeat, or don’t know their hunger cues and are not getting the nutrients they need.

• We may know someone who struggles in all three areas.

This is why all three areas are CRUCIAL for our health because when we don’t have the insight it can be difficult to separate where we need support. Healing Towards Wellness wants to help stop these toxic patterns by healing these three areas and work towards building healthier self-worth, identity and the relationship we have with our minds and bodies.

*HTW works to stay away from terms similar to “diet,” or “diet culture.” HTW supports and encourages overall health and promotes the intuitive eating model. Though terms may be different there is the same goal of education and

Stepping into the hurt

How do we prioritize taking care of ourselves with keeping things light and almost vanilla and also stepping into our wounds to start healing? Keeping things fun and chill all the time is not healthy, but constantly staying stuck in our wounds and being serious is not healthy either. How do we hold both?

• Seeking support: emotional or trauma wounds cannot be healed independently. Seeking support will help in two ways.

  • Challenge discomfort for effective healing.

  • Hold some of the discomfort so the weight is not so heavy during the process of growth.

• Self-care: Self-care is typically treated incorrectly. Self-care is not always bubble baths, workouts and doing what you want to feel good. Self-care is also dealing with your crap.  

  • Ask this question, when people start talking about emotions, or ‘uncomfy,’ subjects, what is the reaction; jokes, sarcasm, deflection, or changing the subject? If the answer is yes to any of these, I challenge the self-care needed is healthier attachment to emotions, and healing from experiences that the light and fluffiness is attempting to protect.

  • Those who struggle with keeping things lighter and are in state of seriousness or deeper topics need to work on calming their brain down and allowing some fluffiness to come in.

    • Both ends of this spectrum can be unhealthy. Humor all the time AND seriousness all the time is harmful and can be a trauma response.

• Grace: There needs to be SO MUCH grace around being able to step towards healing and wellness because this is an IDENTITY journey. There needs to be grace around the work being done whether that be working through grief or unwinding and allowing a more care-free spirit.

• Make the choice to start doing the hard work.

• Set boundaries with yourself: Boundaries are not meant to be restrictive. Boundaries create a space to do the tough work.

If this post has helped with better understanding around how our behaviors impact our emotions or deflection of emotions, I encourage you to reach out. Begin the journey of healing.

Simplicity

Healing Towards Wellness number one goal is affordable and accessible mental healthcare. How this is achieved is through community-focused, community-driven efforts. How is this done? Running as a nonprofit and the wrap-around model.

The wraparound approach is beneficial because mental health concerns do not have a one size fits all approach. Healing Towards Wellness will provide emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health with an array of options, theories and focus on the whole body including, traditional therapy, fitness center, nutritional oversight, support groups, and workshops.

Simplicity has been a value since our inception. Here is how we keep it simple:

• Community driven; Healing Towards Wellness is beyond grateful to the community and how Kansas City has supported our mission and vision. The KC community has donated their time, experience, belongings and financially which helps keep cost’s low. The community continues to come together to take care of one another, it’s a beautiful thing.

• Community focused: We listen and learn what the community needs. We support the community by building relationships, being a support and resource.

• Focus on whole body healing and wellness; mental, physical and nutritional health have to work together. Having professionals in the same space (future goal) helps keeps cost down, and works together to wrap around the client and their needs.

Healing Towards Wellness understands and respects therapy and/or medication is not what everyone needs for healing and wellness. This is why the wrap around service is so important. Therefore mental, emotional, financial, and physical needs are top priority. Getting back to basics and simplicity is understanding therapy, exercise, eating well, financial support, community, a job, etc., are factors into meeting our mental health needs. A community driven, person focused agency is the vision of Healing Towards Wellness.

Video games and mental health!

I want to have a different conversation about video games. When the word, “video games,” come up, an automatic response is either, violence or kids need to get outside and play. This may have been true 30 years ago when video games were starting to be inside the home and people simply didn’t understand. We are not in the 80’s anymore, we are not even in the 90’s anymore! Those children who played video games, are the parents still enjoying video games now AND teaching these games to their kiddos. It is time for the conversation to change.

Are you aware video games help with hand/eye coordination? That they help shy kids feel they are a part of a community and that they are awesome! Did you know so many kids who struggle with mental health find friends who end up being lifelong? Video games help with critical thinking, creativity, communication. Gosh, even world competitions exist! But, I am not here to convince you to believe in the power of video games, so I digress…

Are you also aware of the amount of family friendly games available? Do you know why this is? Those kids 30 years ago, grew up wanting video games to be a part of their family culture. These creators wanted and continue to work hard in changing the narrative that video games are evil, too sexual and completely lack diversity. Though this is still true in some areas (learn more here) there needs to be a conversation about video games from a systems perspective (I am about to geek out, stick with me).

Let’s think about this therapeutically, two terms come to mind, “First order change,” vs “Second order change.”

• First order change is when you change behavior without changing the mindset. “I am going to get my kid a gaming system, even thought they are dumb and hold little to no value, AND THEY ARE VIOLENT.” How do you think this mindset will be towards your child who you are allowing to play the gaming system you think is stupid? Our thoughts and feelings impact our behaviors. Though you are doing something kind for your child or grand kids, you have judgment towards that gift which will impact every interaction you have with your kids and the gaming system, make sense?

• Second order change is when you change your mindset to change your behavior. For example: “I am not really into video games, but my kid is, I would love to take this experience, spend time with them and learn how to play so this can be something we do together.”

Do you see what happened? The conversation changed to be about conversation and connection vs. what you believe the video games represents.

Remember in the beginning of this blog when I told you all the ways video games are pretty cool? Let me try again.

Did you know video games increase parent/child interactions and improve boundary and rule making? Did you know when parents are in the room when kids are playing video games it encourages growth around how to be a team player and use appropriate language? It also keeps your kid in check when they maybe want to, “act like a kid.” Did you know video games open up conversations around tough topics like violence, sexuality, how we speak to others, winning vs. losing, etc. in a safe way where it is based around an activity your kid enjoys?! Did you also know, just by sitting in the room, there is a higher likelihood of your kid talking to you voluntarily about something they enjoy which gives you an opportunity to learn about them? Maybe you can than share what you enjoyed when you were their age!

So, maybe I am here to try and convince you that with effective and healthy communication, age appropriate games and time spent together, video games are pretty rad. We have a whole generation to thank for changing the narrative around video games, mental health and family togetherness.

Sometimes we simply need space for affirmation

“Affirmation,” does not mean being positive all the time. Constant positivity is not healthy.

Affirmations help change thought patterns, increase safety and security within relationships (with others and yourself!), increases healthy behavioral patterns, and promotes growth.

Affirmations remind us that it is okay to love ourselves so fiercely that we teach others how to treat us.

Men’s Health Week: June 15-21, 2020

There is already a deep-rooted stigma surrounding seeking and being in therapy. This stigma has made great strides in the past decade with people understanding the profound impact therapy can have on our mental state and well-being. When it comes to men, however, seeking therapy, is still embedded so intensely into our fabric that when men seek support they are seen as ‘weak,’ ‘unmanly,’ and need to ‘suck it up and deal with it.’ This is wrong.

Society and culture are not the only problem,  the history of mental health needs to take responsibility and continue to evolve around helping our men and boys being okay with seeking support.

 Toxic masculinity, increased bullying, higher rates and more violent forms of suicide , mass shootings, violence towards others… the stigma is even higher within our minority communities! 

“There’s another thing you notice when you look closely at men and mental health, while so much of the world is designed for the comfort and benefit of men, the world of psychotherapy is not.” – Eil, VICE.

“Today, while the APA has issued guidelines for the treatment of a variety of specific populations—“ethnic," linguistic, and culturally diverse populations; girls and women, the LGBTQ+ clients, older and adults—there are still no guidelines for the treatment of men and boys.” – Eil, VICE.

As a community and a culture that promotes and encourages asking for help, seeking support, healing, and evolving within our identity…It is imperative we break this cycle and stereotype that men seeking therapy is wrong. It shows strength and integreity to ask questions and know when it’s time to check in and work through those heavy and deep emotions.

The importance of Pride: Pride 2020 is going to be different, and that is okay.

If you are someone who does not know the history of Pride, I highly encourage you to learn its history.

The Stonewall riots in New York, 1969 was the first official Pride. Those who had a space to be who they were, without judgement from others, got raided, attacked and Stonewall Inn caught fire. This was the moment the LGBTQ+ community knew they were no longer going to stay silent. Every year in the month of June the world has a celebration and honors those who came before us.

This year, Pride parades and celebrations have been cancelled. This could have been your first pride, your 10th, or your 49th. It is devastating and I am sorry. I remember my first pride and it was liberating. This year, the Pride family is okay with it being cancelled. Those living in the 80’s has seen a pandemic happen to their people, with no explanation as to why, with no one taking it seriously and knowing that a unified front is the only way to combat such diseases. HIV/AIDS has come a long way in research, medication and progress and is no longer considered a death sentence. Keep your head up because we all know when it is time to celebrate who will do it bigger, badder, and better? Our queer family!

If this year was going to be your first pride, know that we are still celebrating this month just a little differently. Pride 2020 will be a historically different year because the focus is our black LGBTQ+ community. When you do your research on Stonewall and the making of PRIDE it was our trans sister; Marsha P. Johnson and other trans women of color who led the charge! Be thankful for those who came before us and sacrificed so much so we can celebrate.

Some encouragement to those who are not in a safe space, or not out to your loved ones for fear of safety. There are places to go and people to talk to. Sometimes coming out and liberating ourselves to be exactly who we are is unsafe.

The rate of homeless LGBTQ+ teens is a disgrace and we need to fix this. The violence towards our community is deplorable. The rate of the mental health crisis among our queer community is disturbing and a major factor to the higher suicide rates. I, a queer therapist, am here to help.

If you are not out, or newly out: Research shows, if your identity has caused distress within your family, keep things light, to encourage a slow and steady process not just for you but your family. There is a grieving process for parents when kids come out, not because being out is wrong or that there is anything wrong with you. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. It is because parents have an idea for their kids when they become parents and they need time. We needed time to process and come out, they need time to process, adjust and get educated.

If you are someone who is out and your family is supportive: This is fantastic! Be proud and thankful of the decades before you that helped this happen. Be a shining light for your community, create clubs, be a resource and continue breaking those stigmas!

If you are in an unsafe or unsupported environment here are some questions to ask:

• Are you safe? If the answer is no, utilize the resources below.

• Do you have a safe and healthy adult to talk to? If the answer is no, utilize the resources below.

  • This can be a parent, guardian, family member, a friend’s parent, teacher, counselor, coach, etc.

• How is your mental health? If the answer is anything like, ‘not great,’ utilize the resources below.

Other Resources:

• National Safe Place Network

• POKC

• PFLAG

World ENVIRONMENT day 2020

10 ways Healing Towards Wellness continues to work towards an Environmentally friendly work space.

• Majority of furniture and supplies in the office have been reused or donated.

• Continue to work towards paperless administration and documentation.

• Uses Eco-friendly paper.

• Lighting: Therapy allows for a softer lighting which helps with less energy use.

• Office is accessible through public transportation.

• Reuse items as much as possible before considering buying new.

• Recycle what cannot be reused.

• Telecommunications: Staying in contact with clients, donors and followers is SO important. We do this through emails, social media and blogs.

• No water bottles: All reusable dishware is properly cleaned and sanitized.

• HTW has a 10 year plan of creating an intentional living space which has a goal of environmentally friendly living and community service.

HTW: STANCE ON EQUALITY

WHAT IS YOUR NARRATIVE?

Narrative Therapy is a common approach I use with clients. Narrative is an approach that builds on the idea that people live their lives according to their story that they construct about who they are. If their story is filled with trauma, wounds, hurt, or fear, their lens of who they are may have been developed within those areas. Does this sound like you?

Working through trauma and wounds is hard. Narrative Therapy uses your stories to re-shape new lenses, new stories, new experiences and new futures. Your trauma and your wounds are important, they can cause a sense of self that leads to depression, anxiety, PTSD, self-injury, suicide, broken relationships, etc. As a Narrative therapist it is my goal to help you learn and heal from your trauma and those wounds and help you redefine your story and take back who you want to be through a healed perspective.

You are not your wounds. You are not your trauma. You are not your problems. Narrative helps you examine, evaluate, and change your relationship to a problem, a wound or a past trauma. Your problems or what you believe has defined you up to this point does not have control over who you want to be and how you want to heal.

The goal with Narrative is to find patterns and connections through events in your life that has helped you define your story (narratives) and who you are within the space of uncomfy places. These narratives can be debilitating if trauma and wounds are involved. I want to help change your dominate story that may feel like it defines you and help you rewrite your story and find unique outcomes that may have been forgotten throughout your journey.

Why an intentional living space?

Financial benefits: Living costs have been on the rise on the coasts and is working its way towards the middle of the United stats. When sharing space and resources is included in the living experience, rent and and overall cost will go down.

Environmental benefits

Social benefits: Grace Kim stated here;

“Loneliness. All of us in this room will experience loneliness at some point in our lives. Loneliness is not a function of being alone, but rather, a function of how socially connected you are to those around you. There could be somebody in this room right now surrounded by a thousand people experiencing loneliness. And while loneliness can be attributed to many things, as an architect, I'm going to tell you today how loneliness can be the result of our built environments -- the very homes we choose to live in.”

Improved Mental and Physical Health: Neil Howe stated here;

“Scientists have long known that loneliness is emotionally painful and can lead to psychiatric disorders like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and even hallucinatory delirium. But only recently have they recognized how destructive it is to the body. In 2015, researchers at UCLA discovered that social isolation triggers cellular changes that result in chronic inflammation, predisposing the lonely to serious physical conditions like heart disease, stroke, metastatic cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease. One 2015 analysis, which pooled data from 70 studies following 3.4 million people over seven years, found that lonely individuals had a 26% higher risk of dying. This figure rose to 32% if they lived alone.”

Want to know more about your city? Here are the facts;

According to the Health Status and Disparities of the Health status data (MARC, 2019) of Kansas City between the years of 2010 through 2015 the state of Kansas has increased in  areas such as mental health concerns, decreased in hospital discharges (This means, people are not leaving the hospital), particularly with youth under the age of 15, and suicide rates have increased 17%  within five years.

Stated in the Kansas suicide prevention data and statistics there was a reported 477 Suicide deaths in Kansas in 2015, this rose to 512 suicide deaths in 2016. The site states, “Suicide remains the second leading cause of death for the 15-24 and 25-44 age-group. Suicide has risen to the third leading cause of death for the 5-14 age-group.”

The community health assessment and community profile of Johnson county (2016 and the most recent data available) is a research project to help develop and address health needs within the community. Findings include:

• Poverty increased to over 30,000 with highest rate being Black, Hispanic and Latino populations (2014).

• The average age of someone in homelessness is 15 years old.

• Cancer is the leading cause of death with heart disease coming in second. 

• 15% of the population report they are always/usually worried about paying monthly bills.

• 17% of adults reported binge drinking. This is higher than the 15% that represents the state of Kansas as a whole.

• Six out of 10 people within Johnson County are either overweight and/or obese 

  • Overweight: 36.4% of the population is higher than the overall United States 35.4%.

  • Obesity: 24.6% of Johnson county population is 4% lower than the US, however the state of Kansas sits at 30% where the US population tops at 28.9%

• 18% of individuals do not have a personal doctor or healthcare provider

• The US population has a 13% suicide rate; Johnson county has increased at 13.2 with the state of Kansas increasing to a 15% overall with suicide rates. 

• Increased Physical health and decreased amount of smokers has occurred within Johnson County.

It took research between the years 1996 to 2011 to learn and understand mental health, substance abuse and physical activity need to be a priority within the Johnson county area. Between 2012 and 2017 awareness around these areas increased minimally but no increase in availability for services. Awareness involved a mental health first aid class to identify and intervene in mental health issues with very few places for those people struggling to go.  It took almost 20 years from the start of this assessment to 2015 for chronic mental health prevention, access to care and mental health to become a priority.

Gallery